Simple And Powerful Tools for Managing Stress

Stress is not universally bad, it shapes who we are and helps us to grow. We have the ability to guide how it affects us. Learn the four factors that drive our response to stress and simple—but effective—tools for changing how you experience it.

What we are going to cover:

• 4 Key Factors That Determine How We Respond to Stress
• 5 Tools for Reframing Stressful Experiences
• Why Mindfulness is so Important
• Bonus Tip

Most people living in the modern world experience continuous stress in the form of daily hassles, relationship troubles, problems at work, chronic illness, or other external life events.

Many of you may feel defeated or overwhelmed by stress. I understand this. Stress management is hard. It asks a lot of us. It forces us to slow down, to step back, to disengage (if only for a brief time) from the chaos of modern life. It asks us to prioritize self-care in a culture that does not know how to prioritize it.

Have you ever wondered why some people are devastated by stress, while others are relatively unaffected? Or why some people thrive in high-pressure, driven work environments while others self-destruct?

The reason different people respond so differently to the same stressors is that our response to stress is largely defined by perception.

In other words, although there are certain events that virtually all people experience as stressful (such as the death of a loved one), it is our subjective perception of the event—and the meaning that we assign to it—that determines how we respond.

Four Key Factors That Determine How We Respond to Stress

So what determines the intensity of our response to a particular stressor? Research has identified four key factors:

1. The novelty of the event
2. The unpredictable nature of the event
3. A perceived threat to our body or ego
4. A sense of loss of control

Some researchers and clinicians use the acronym N.U.T.S. (novelty, unpredictability, threat, sense of no control) to refer to them. I really appreciate this acronym!

This concept of perceived stress has important implications.

The first is that we can influence how we respond to stressors by changing how we perceive them. In psychology, this is known as “reframing.”

OK let's make this real, to better understand. Let’s say you lose your job. If you perceive that event as a sign of your worthlessness and an indicator that you’ll never be successful, you can imagine a pretty messed up response!

But what if you saw the loss of your job as an opportunity to pursue a longtime dream that you’ve ignored and a chance for a fresh start? In this case, losing your job would be unlikely to trigger a harmful stress response and may even be a source of positive stress.

I’m not suggesting that it’s possible, or even desirable, to put a positive spin on tragic or horrific events. But if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by all of the minor, daily hassles that characterize most of our lives, reframing can be a powerful way of mitigating the impact of that stress.

Five Tools for Reframing Stressful Experiences

The good news about reframing is that it gives us a measure of control over how we respond to the stressful events of life.

As I mentioned above, a sense of loss of control is one of the four key factors that drive our response to stress, so anything that we can do to improve this sense of control can have a profound effect.

Here are five tools that you can use to reframe stressful experiences.

1. Question Your Thoughts

Recognize that your thoughts about the stressful event are just thoughts—they aren’t real, and you don’t have to believe them. Ask yourself whether your thoughts are really true and accurate, or whether they are just a perception or belief.

2. Embrace a Threat as a Challenge

Ask yourself if there is a seed of opportunity or growth in the stressful event. For example, if you’ve just been diagnosed with a chronic illness, can you use that event as a way of giving yourself permission to take better care of yourself?

3. Expand Your Time Horizon

Ask yourself whether what you’re upset about will matter in a month, a year, or a decade. Even more powerful is the “rocking chair test.” Imagine yourself at 100 years old, in a rocking chair, reflecting on your life. Will this event matter? Will you even remember it at all?

4. Increase Your Sense of Control

True control over anything in our lives is a matter of debate, but I think we can agree that we can’t control everything. Trying to control too much is a recipe for suffering (both for you and for those around you!). That said, research has shown that it is our sense of control, rather than actually being in control, that determines how strongly stress impacts us. Focusing your attention on the things that you can influence, finding creative solutions, and making a list of resources you can draw on or people you can ask for help can increase your sense of control and minimize the effect that the stressful event has on you.

5. Recognize That Not All Stress Is Harmful

As I mentioned at the start of this article, stress in not universally bad. There are certainly things such as tragedies and physical trauma that have negative effects on us. We can call these things "harmful" even if the eventual outcomes of these events are considered "good". Our perceptions are based on a general outlook on life which is a culmination of all of our experiences in life and how we have learned to process them. To have the best chance at managing stress through ordered perceptions, a healthy state of "mindfulness" is important.

Why Mindfulness Is so Important

The tools above can be powerful allies in stressful situations, but they all depend upon one thing: your capacity to stay present in a difficult situation.

Stressful experiences often trigger a cascade of fears, anxieties, and “stories” we tell ourselves about what the event means about us or our future (i.e., “I didn’t get this job. I’ll never be successful!”).

If we are not able to stay present when we experience stress, we’re less likely to be able to do things like question our thoughts, embrace threats as a challenge, or expand our time horizon because we’re so carried away by our thought process that we can’t interrupt it.

Mindfulness helps us to ground our attention in the present moment and focus on what is, right now, rather than what we fear might be. It helps us "stick to the facts" and not be overwhelmed by our passions.

Worrying about the future is especially stressful because we don’t have control over it and can’t respond to imagined threats. But we can influence how we respond to what is happening in the present moment, if that is where we direct our attention.

Here are a few simple tips for getting started with mindfulness practice, from psychologist and mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn:

• Pay close attention to your breathing, especially when you’re feeling intense emotions.
• Notice—really notice—what you’re sensing in a given moment: the sights, sounds, and smells that ordinarily slip by without reaching your conscious awareness.
• Recognize that your thoughts and emotions are fleeting and do not define you, an insight that can free you from negative thought patterns.
• Tune into your body’s physical sensations, from the water hitting your skin in the shower to the way your body rests in your office chair.

One Last Tip for Stress Management

Sleep. I would be remiss without emphasizing how important sleep is to helping our mind form ordered perceptions, stay mindful and allow for stress management reframing. This critical for all humans but especially those under 20 years old. Please dig deeper into the importance of sleep here.

Special thanks to Jon Kabat-Zinn and Chris Kresser for their contributions to this article.